leaving Ontario. Barely even leaving this city in general.
So many people have come and gone, I can barely
even keep track. It's kind of sad, that people that
once meant the world to me, are now strangers.
It's life. It's growing up.
Everyone drifts and moves on and makes there own way.
It's just crazy, I never thought I'd lose everyone,
especially all at once. It's a hard pill to swallow.
I'm always saying that there is a silver lining to everything.
I am always harping about not dwelling,
and saying "that's life."
Believe me, I believe all of that, but sometime it's
easier said than done.
Days like today, it's hard to live by that.
I just wonder, when is my life going to go in
the right direction. I've grown up, separated from
people and things that were holding me back.
Fight for what I want, constantly try to find ways
to better myself and the situation, and I'm still in
the same spot.
However, I still have no career goals.
I was going to be an exterminator, and I am still
thinking about it, but something is not allowing me
to leave the hotel. I don't really know why...
Comfort maybe? I went in there knowing half the
employees, and now know them all.
We are a lovely click.
I think if I break away and go for it, I'll be happy,
But again, is that really where I want to be?
No, but it will be a better opportunity.
The hotel is barely part time, shit pay, and I hate
the job itself. What's my deal?
I just want to sing!
That's the one thing, that regardless of my mood,
I'm always doing it. Always.
Music fuels me.
I have little to no interest in anyone anymore.
We are all in different places, and I feel like
I'm standing still when with them.
But then I sit at home waiting around for the 2
people I do care about to be available, and go
nuts from boredom.
I need to sell this house.
Most of my stress is in these walls.
Once it sells, I'll be staying in my brothers basement,
until I find something suitable to buy.
That will aid in my anxiety for sure.
There will always be someone to hang out with
and always something to do, and I won't be driving
much anymore, considering that's pretty
much the only place I go.
I hope it sells and I don't lose anything.
The 'condition' of home inspection scares me, ugh.
I need to distance myself from my family,
not my brothers or my dads side.
I don't want to miss out on time with my grand-
parents and little cousins, but I cannot take this
anymore. They get in everyone's business and judge
about everything. They act like children.
If I make a decision they don't like, they
actually get mad at me, and go as far as giving
me attitude or the silent treatment.
We are talking about adults here, adults
who have children. This is what I'm dealing with.
I'm stressed.
Check list to partial stress-free living
- 2nd, possibly 3rd job
- finish my exterminator license
- obtain full G
- Sell house for no less than $107,000
- Get back into healthy life style
- properly working vehicle
- distancing myself from any negativity including family
- proper sleeping habits! *
